Losing Your Virginity: How to & Tips for the first time
Ashley Smith

First: Make sure you've talked to your partner about protection.  If you're not comfortable talking about pregnancy and STDs with your partner, then you shouldn't be having sex.

• Make sure you aren't having sex because you feel pressured to "lose your virginity".   You also shouldn't have sex because your partner pressures you, or you think they will love you more if you have sex (love and sex are not the same thing). We believe sex is the most intimate act you can share with another person and should not be taken lightly, and the best sex is when you have a loving, committed relationship.
  
• If you want to lose your virginity just because you want to gain respect or brag to others-- that is a very shallow reason for having sex.
  
  

• We're also assuming you are over 18. There's no reason to have sex young than that! It is much better to wait until you're older to have sex.
  
• 6 months to 1 year is the time it takes for "infatuation" to wear off and true love to begin to grow. We advise waiting at least that long to have sex, to make sure you've had time to emotionally bond and get to know the other person.
  
• A good rule of thumb to ask is, "Would I be comfortable having and raising a child with this person?" If the answer is no, or you're unsure, you're not ready for sex. Sex is the most intimate thing you can ever do with another person-- why waste that with someone you aren't sure of? How special is it once you've shared it with several people?
  
• When should you have sex? It's really up to you. I have friends that had sex within months of knowing their partner, and others that were in a happy relationships for 3 years before finally doing it. Some people believe you should only have sex once you're married, and if you believe that, stick to it!  There's no formula, just make sure you hare happy and comfortable with your decision to have sex so you won't have regrets later.

• 12 Steps of Intimacy are a natural progression toward sex. Skipping steps can lead to problems in a relationship, because it naturally takes time to bond with someone physically.
  
• Have other "Sex Play" in your relationship first!
  Make sure you're comfortable with the person sexually (ie, comfortable making out, oral sex, masturbation, or other sex play) before you actually have sex. This will make your first time more comfortable and fun, because you both know how to pleasure each other.
  
• Don't have big expectations; the first time usually isn't great sex. For most people, sex gets better with practice, so don't worry if it isn't good the first time!
  
• Where?
  When you're going to have sex for the first time, make sure you have a place where you will be able to be alone for hours. You don't want someone walking in on you! Because it is your first time, you may want to spend more time on foreplay, and time before or after talking with your partner.
  
• Make sure you have a partner you love and trust. Sex is so much better when you're comfortable telling your partner what you want and how you feel.
  
• Take time for foreplay. This is especially important for the girl -- sex can be painful if you're not wet and relaxed enough down there. In fact, it's a good idea to use a lubricant the first time to make sure things go smoothly.
  
• Use Lubricant. Even if a girl is very turned on for her first time (and usually they are nervous so they aren't), she probably won't produce enough natural lubricant. Using lube will reduce friction.
  
• Some girls might bleed on their first time, if they have a large hymen. Not all virgin girls bleed-- hymens come in different shapes, and some will stretch instead of tear, and hymens can be lost naturally as a girl grows up if she plays sports or is active. But even if you don't think you have a hymen, it's a good idea to put a towel down just in case.
  
• Playing with dildoes or sexual play with your fingers can help a girl get used to feeling things inside. It can also help stretch the hymen so you won't bleed during sex.
  
• Make sure the male is wearing a condom before the penis gets anywhere near the vagina. Pregnancy can occur even before a man ejaculates because sperm can exist in "precum".
  
• Guide the penis in with your hands-- it might be a good idea to let the girl do this. That way she can adjust him if needed.
  
• Go SLOW. If things are uncomfortable for the girl, stop. It might take a while before you can go all the way, and small steps are good. Avoid jerking motions or thrusting-- move slowly to make sure it isn't painful for the girl.
  
• Girl-on-top position will allow her to control how deep the guy can go and how fast. This can really help for the first time.
  
• Sex will only get better after the first time. It takes practice. So don't worry if it's kind of disappointing, just keep practicing!

   

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