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Bad
Habits that will Ruin Your Marriage
by Gloria Liven
A good relationship is worth working hard for. But these few bad habits
can destroy a marriage or relationship.
Spending
Too Much or Too Little Time Together
Spending too much time together can make you feel smothered. Independance
is attractive; being clingy and needy is annoying and can make the other
person want to avoid you. Besides, they can't miss you if you aren't gone...
so take some time apart to develop your own interests and hobbies.
On the other hand, never having time alone with the other person makes
it hard for you to have time to bond. If you're always with friends, spending
all your time at work or with your hobbies, you can make your spouse feel
like they're low on your list of priorities. A healthy relationship has
a good balance of together and alone time.
Forgetting
The Little Things
Little things are important, and over the long run they can make or break
a relationship. Holding hands, giving a hug, getting a little surprise
present, even just touching and kissing your partner is important. These
little things can make them feel appreciated and loved.
Being
Too Jealous
Some jealousy is normal in a relationship. But if it gets to the point
where you read their emails, check their phone logs, question them about
where they are, or accuse them of cheating (when they aren't)-- you're
showing that you don't trust them. If you can't trust them, figure out
if it is a problem with them (are they cheating on you?) or if it's a
problem with you being too controlling.
Contstantly
Nagging and wanting to change them
Critisizing how they look, telling them how they can be and do so much
better all the time; It will wear on them, it's like telling them that
they aren't good enough. Constant nagging will make someone ignore your
complaints even more.
You're in love with
what they could be-- not what they are! And if your guy or gal really
needs so much work to be a good partner -- why are you settling for them
in the first place? Don't stick with someone who has problems because
you think they will change.
Not
Consulting Your Partner About Purchases
For many couples, the topic that causes the most arguments is money. Some
couples will go out of their way to keep purchases secret from their partners.
Making a small purchase for yourself, like a new pair of shoes, is fine,
but if you're spending large amounts of money and not telling your spouse,
you could be in for trouble-- not just with your marriage, but with your
finances as well.
Make sure you treat
your marriage like a partnership, and as such, share financial decisions
with your partner.
Being
Too Dramatic
There are times when freaking out is appropriate. But if every little
thing brings you to tears, or every fight is a screaming match-- you better
work on controlling your emotions. If you threaten to end the relationship
over little things they do to annoy you, if you contsantly freak out when
they do something wrong -- you're going to kill your relationship unless
you learn to mellow out.
Gossiping
If you and your partner have a fight, that's between you and them-- not
your friends, your parents, and your siblings. Calling your friends when
you have a fight and telling them about details of your relationship is
wrong. You shouldn't bring your family into marriage decisions and arguments.
If you can't keep your relationship private, you're going to embarrass
yourself and your partner and have trouble maintaining a happy bond.
Having
No Sex Life
According to a 2003 Newsweek study, between 15-20% of married couples
have practically sexless marriages-- having sex less than 10 times a year.
Waiting to have sex in a new relationship is a good thing-- but losing
interest once you're married for years is bad for your relationship. Work
to bring back your physical intimacy or your marriage may suffer. And
that often starts with your attitude. If you're always fighting or unhappy
with your spouse, it can be difficult to be in the mood.
Not
Fighting Fair
When you have fights (as all couples do), how you handle the fight can
determine whether your relationship will last, or not. When you fight,
make sure you aren't always trying to be right; Don't call names; Don't
bring up past problems that aren't related; And focus on solving the problem.
Instead of, "You never do laundry!", you might say, "Can
we work out a way for us both to contribute equally to housework?".
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