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Three
Stages of Love
by Gloria Liven
According to love researcher Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New
Jersey, people in love tend to go through three stages. You may also
want to learn about the 12 steps to intimacy.
Stage
1 : Lust
Lust is, well, the sexual desire for someone. This stage is fueled by
our sex hormones, testosterone (in both men and women) and estrogen (in
women). Many early relationships are fueled by lust.
Stage
2 : Attraction
This is the "crazy in love", the "falling in love"
phase.
We think obsessively of our lover-- we may eat less, loose sleep, and
look forward to the time when we will see them next. We may sneak out
to meet them, daydream about the relationship, or feel we can't live without
them. This part of love may seem crazy because it really is. The brain
is responding to many different chemicals.
Dopamine is released when we're crazy in love-- the same as if we are
on cocaine or nicotine! Norepinephrine (aka, Adrenaline) speeds up our
heartbeat and gets us excited. Seratonin levels are typically low in a
new relationship-- the same patterns are found in the brain in love as
in people with obsessive compulsive disorder!
This stage is also called "Falling in love", or a "crush", or "infatuation".
Crazy? Maybe. But it's nature's way of getting us to move on to the next level in love-- attachment.
Stage
3 : Emotional Attachment
After 6 months to a year, our brain chemistry begins to return to normal.
Things cool off-- which is a good thing because constantly having butterflies
would get old! Some couples mistakenly think their love is fading, but
you should know it's normal for things to cool off and it isn't bad!
This stage will determine whether your love will move on to a more mature level, or if things will fall apart once the chemistry's gone. For those of us that stay in love, emotional attachment begins to take over attraction. We love our partners on a deeper level. This stage has emotional intimacy, commitment, and trust. It's like a good friendship more than a crazy obsession.
But just as we are made up of chemistry-- so is this stage of love. Oxytocin and vasopressin are two chemicals the brain uses in forming emotional bonds. They're both released when we're physically intimate-- either cuddling, or during sex and orgasm. Being physical, such as touching, holding hands, or having sex can deepen your bond-- which is great if you want to stay together, but doing so too soon can make you feel attached to someone you're not ready for.
This stage of love is warm, soothing, and reassuring, compared to the "falling in love" stage that is exciting and thrilling.
More
Links: Signs of "Falling In Love"/Infatuation
Signs of Love
Love VS Infatuation
The Chemicals of Love
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