How to ask a girl out for a date
by Gloria Liven

It can be tough asking a girl out, but even tougher if you do it wrong. Asking for a date can be intimidating and most guys dread rejection; and consistently getting rejected is bad for your ego and your confidence. Starting small is the best way to ask for a date; it won't scare them off and won't hurt your confidence as much if you're rejected.

When you do ask a girl for a date, do it in person. It's too easy to reject someone over the phone, and email or IM is a bad idea too. I will say there are a few exceptions; for example, if you met her online and haven't met her, but that's a completely different situation. This article is meant to deal with asking a girl that you know in person out.

One thing you shouldn't say is:
"Would you like to go out with me?"

It's too direct and makes it too easy for them to say "No".
The formality of a "date" may also scare some people off. That's why you should go with a more relaxed approach -- instead of a formal "date", you start by asking them in a non threatening and non formal way.

You also shouldn't walk up to a complete stranger and ask for a date; Some people may find this creepy or annoying.

First, you have to get to know that person. You may already know them casually and talk to them. That's a huge first step (plus-- why would you ask a complete stranger out, knowing nothing about them?).

Don't focus on rejection, either. If all you are thinking about is being rejected, you'll be nervous and it will show. Instead, tell yourself, "I'm not asking for a date, I'm just setting up a time to hang out".

So if you know her a little and are comfortable enough to make small talk, it can still be awkward asking for a date. One thing you must not do is say "Do you want to go out with me?" or "Do you want to go on a date?" or "Will you go with me?". These phrases are too intimidating and aren't very original.

A much better way to ask a girl for a date is something like:

"Hey, I'd like to get together and go do something with you sometime."

That makes it much harder for them to say, "I can't, I'm busy"... because you haven't stated a specific time. You can judge by her reaction if she likes you; if she says "Sure" or "ok" or "what do you have in mind"-- or anything else that sounds positive-- she's probably up for giving you a shot.

If her response is more timid or negative, then she might not work out to be someone you'll want to date. It happens-- no matter how good you are at asking girls out, or how awesome you are, not every girl will date you, so don't take it personally.

So if her response is positive, then your next move is to state a time and place. "Great, I've been wanting to try out the new Greek restaurant sometime; want to go Wednesday?" She'll either say "sure", or "I can't make it then"-- if that's the case, ask her when will work. She's already said she wanted to do something with you sometime, so it's hard for her to reject you.

Although I have to say for date ideas, going to dinner is not that original. If you're a good at making conversation, or you already know her and have hit it off and can talk for hours, then you're fine! A nice dinner can be a good start.
But if you don't know her much, you both aren't that talkative, or you're worried you'll be nervous and not be able to hold a good conversation, then a restaurant date may not be the best idea.

Instead, think of a more unique date idea; Beach combing? A walk in the park? Browsing shops downtown? Flying a kite? Horseback riding? Playing frisbee? Going to a museum? See our list of Free & Cheap Date Ideas, you might be able to take her on a fun free date!
Food is good so you can pick food up on the way, or eat before or after the event; maybe visit a little fish-and-chips place on your way to the beach, or stop at a cafe after going to the museum.

It all depends on what you are comfortable with, what's in your area, and what you think she'd enjoy. If she really likes you, she'll probably say "yes" to going out even if it's not her favorite thing to do!

Another great way to get a date is to also start "hanging out" in a non-dating situation-- for example, invite her if you're going with a group of people.
"We're making a bonfire this weekend at the beach, you can join us if you want."
Inviting her to group activities makes it much less formal and date-like; but don't worry, you can work your way up to a date from there.
Simply hanging out with her more and getting to know her will tell you if you really do want to date her, and it will make it much easier to ask to go with her someplace alone later.

From a girl's perspective, if a guy walks up to me out of the blue and says, "Want to go out?" my automatic response is to say "sorry, I can't"... or just plain "No" depending on how bold he was. If a guy asks nicely I'm nice, if he's overly confident and rude, then I'm more blunt. But if a guy were to walk up to me when I was with a friend and say, "Some friends and I are going to play the Wii, do you guys want to come?" I'd probably say "yes!"... then once I got to know him more, if I liked him and was asked on a formal date, I'd say yes.

Keep in mind though that if she's not interested in you, you cannot "force" her to date you. It doesn't mean you asked incorrectly or she doesn't find you attractive; I know plenty of girls that turn guys down that they find attractive for other reasons, like not wanting to date, already having a boyfriend, or having a crush on someone else.

So don't take it personally, and move on! You don't ever want to be rude to her because she doesn't want to date you; Be just as nice as before. Don't obsess about it and when the next girl comes along, be positive!

Related Links on Dating:

Things to Avoid in Conversation
Free/Cheap/Inexpensive Date Ideas
Get Him to Ask You Out
25 Questions to Ask A Date
Tips for Good Conversation when on a Date

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