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15
Signs A Guy is a Loser
by Gloria Liven
Don't date a loser or keep a loser boyfriend!
Sometimes
it is hard to tell in the beginning of the relationship if a guy is a
loser. When you're in a new relationship, you're both on your best behavior;
you both are infatuated with each other and careful to present your best
qualities. This is called the "honeymoon" stage which doesn't
last forever-- and when it wears off, you don't want to be stuck with
a loser. Every girl can do better!
-
Your
family or friends dislike him
Your
family and friends are able to see warning signs that someone in the
relationship can't see (or will ignore). Beware if everyone's telling
you he isn't as great as you think he is. They aren't being mean--
they are being honest, and unlike your judgment, theirs is not clouded
by the emotions of infatuation.
-
Wants
sex quickly
Did
he try to get physical within only a few days or weeks of knowing
you? Is sex something he pressures you about? Does he become annoyed
or say you don't love him if you won't put out? You definitely need
to drop this guy! A guy who wants to use you as a sex toy is not one
you want to build a stable, long-term relationship with.
And if he pressures
you, is abusive to you, or uses sex as a tool to make you guilty or
control the relationship, you should get rid of him as quick as possible.
-
He's
got bad stories or reputation
Have you heard bad stories from you friends? Are there people who
think he's crazy, aggressive, or a womanizer?
It may not just
be from others; often, a loser boyfriend will tell stories that show
his character-- stories where he was violent, rude, hurt other people,
was lazy, or immoral. The fact that he tells those kind of stories
not only tells you that he's done bad things-- but that he is proud
of them!
-
'Loves'
you too quickly
Guys that fall
in love fast-- also fall out of love fast. If he's shallow, he'll
be quick about telling you how much he loves you-- even if you've
not been dating long.
Some abusive men will say "I love you" to try to trap a
women into a relationship. Telling you they love you too quickly is
a bad sign that he's either shallow and doesn't know what true love
is (which can take months or years to form, after both partners know
each other), or he's trying to hook you so you won't leave.
A normal
person will wait a good amount of time before they commit or love
another person.
This type of loser guy may want to move in with you or marry you in
a matter of weeks!
- Lacks
effort
He doesn't seem to put much work into the relationship
and your happiness. He doesn't call you back, he might forget important
dates like your birthday. He may buy you presents that are cheap, thoughtless,
or unwrapped, so he can say he gets you gifts without putting any effort
into it. He may not take you out to eat, or put much thought into what
makes you happy.
A lot of losers are simply lazy when it comes to a relationship. If
they don't put effort into the relationship now, they won't later, either.
- Abusive
To Others
Does he constantly
get in fight with waitresses and service people? Does he suffer from
road rage? Does he break or throw things when he gets angry? Is he abusive
to animals? Does he make demeaning comments about women? Does he constantly
blow up or pick fights with friends/family?
These are all bad signs, and this is often how a physically abusive
relationship starts.
It's a huge warning
sign if he's nice to you but rude and aggressive to others. As soon
as the "honeymoon" period wears off-- within a few months
to a year-- that's how he will be treating you.
It's an old saying
that you should watch how someone treats service people to see how you
will be treated in the future; and it's generally true. A guy's attitude
about women will not change-- if he treats women badly, he will treat
you badly later in the relationship.
- Physically
Violent
If he breaks your things when he's angry, or ever shoves, hits, or hurts
you-- you need to dump him immediately!
Men that are violent may start by breaking things or shoving you first,
but it can quickly escalate, in some cases even into murder. Do not
put up with ever being put in a situation where you could be harmed
or killed.
- Isolates
You
A loser guy will resent you hanging out with your friends or family,
and try to keep you away from them. He may not have many interests outside
of the relationship, or he may not want YOU to have interests outside
the relationship.
- Paranoid
or Controlling
Does he ask where
you've been? Check your cell phone calls or emails? Grill you if you
talk to someone of the opposite sex? Ask you where you were if you weren't
home?
Some losers can get
paranoid to the point of insanity-- checking through your garbage, spying
on you, going through your things, or calling you constantly and yelling
at you if you don't answer.
They may attempt
to control your life, telling you where you can go, who you can hang
out with, what you can wear, what you can talk about in public, how
to behave, etc.
Some loser guys are
overly controlling, or are jealous to the point of being ridiculous.
Someone who loves you should trust you and allow you to be yourself.
- Alcohol,
Drugs, or Porn is his idea of fun
If he is unable to
enjoy life and prefers to do drugs/drugs/porn instead of having real
interests or hobbies, that's a sign you won't be able to have a happy
or good relationship with him, either.
And if he's into porn, it's a sign he's not able to enjoy a normal sexual
relationship. Some studies have linked watching porn to violence and
sexual problems.
- Desperate
to not break up
If you tell him you're thinking of leaving, the loser will freak out
and act desperate; he will tell you how much he loves you, how he will
change to keep you. He will promise that he'll be a completely different
person.
The loser is terrified of getting dumped, but often won't mind dumping
you.
- Isn't
Affectionate
Of course, once the
"honeymoon stage" is over, you probably won't be making out
as much; but you should still have affection and intimacy in your relationship.
If he shows a complete lack of affection and intimacy toward you, it
will only get worse as your relationship gets older.
- Acts
like a mooch
In a relationship both members should be showing that they are independently
able to support themselves. Beware
if he seems to be expecting you to pick up the slack and do things for
him. If you're always driving him, handling things for him, and paying
for things for him it's only going to get worse.
If he's on welfare
on unemployment instead of working, it's a sign he'd rather mooch than
actually have to work for the things he wants.
- Blames
Everyone Else for his Problems
A loser doesn't take
responsibility. It isn't his fault he got fired; the boss was a jerk.
It isn't his fault he's in debt; It's society's. It's always someone
else's fault with a loser boyfriend-- anything bad that happens with,
he'll blame his family, you, society, or other people for. It's a great
way to get by on life sucking, but blaming other people for why you
suck.
- Doesn't
listen
If someone loves you, they want to listen to your needs and want to
know how you're feeling. It's not normal for a guy to not listen to
you, if he cares about you.
If they don't seem interested in your thoughts, worries, dreams, goals,
then they aren't someone you can make a life with.
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